The thought has crossed my mind several times lately to look into getting a dating coach, or a dating therapist, perhaps! I've found that since my last heartbreak, which was more painful by far than any other, some serious walls have gone up, and I can't even visualize getting past them. I'm becoming concerned.
For example, I used to be quite open to developing crushes, flirting, and connecting with men, even though I told myself I'd never trust a man again. There was something in me that just wouldn't give up, as much as I wanted to. I've noticed now that even when I meet a guy that I think is attractive, I immediately extinguish any kind of chemistry I might feel with him. I'm very cautious about being too flirtatious, and I usually just turn the relationship into something platonic, or walk away from it all together.
This isn't a good thing. I used to be able to see myself in a happy relationship with a man, although I've never had one, but I can't even visualize that anymore. My experiences with men haven't been anything to brag about, but it has taught me that men have a language they use with women, and it doesn't literally mean what we think it means. I'm starting to understand their language, and it's really depressing!
When a man says, "you're everything I want in a woman", what he really means is "I want a woman just like you, but I don't want you."
When he talks about doing things with you in the future, he's really saying, "one day I want to do these things with a woman, but not necessarily with you."
"You're so easy to talk to" means "will you be my therapist?"
"You're the full package" translates to "some guy's gonna be really lucky to get you, but it isn't me"
"If I wasn't so far away/in a relationship/married or gay, I'd totally date you!" is really just a nice way of saying, "Thank God I'm far away/in a relationship/married or gay so I don't have to tell you the real reasons I wouldn't date you!"
"You're so kind and giving" is code for "of course I'll accept your love and affection, just don't expect anything in return."
"I wish you would call me" means "I want my ego stroked. Make me feel like you want me so I can turn you down."
and the mother of all: "I really like/love you" simply means "too bad you're not a guy; you'd make a great buddy."
Ya, I know I'm a little bitter. See why I could use a therapist? If anyone knows a good one, send them my way. I'm the meantime, I'll be sabatoging any chance I may have at finding a great man.
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