Osmonds and Mo Tab

If you ever go to an event at the Conference Center, remember that it is always Sunday dress...or at least casual business attire, even if the event is a pop concert. Honestly, wouldn't you think that if you were going to see the Osmonds in concert, you would expect to see other people in jeans? Granted, they were performing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but still....it's a concert. I guess I looked like a heathen walking around the Conference Center in jeans because the sweet old lady sitting next to me started doing missionary work. She told me about the new temple in Twin Falls, Idaho, and how I could go in during the open house and see what the inside of a temple looks like. Strange. It's not like I was wearing holy jeans and smelled like beer or anything. Funny old lady. I just let it slide. At least she can feel like she reached out to some non-members that day.

So, the Osmonds and the Mo Tab, together at last. I never would have thought to get tickets for that, but a good friend of mine did, and she invited me to go. I agreed, mostly to spend time with her, but I have to admit, I found it quite enjoyable and nostalgic. Do you remember the Donnie and Marie Show? It was a part of my childhood. I loved it. I don't remember anything about the show other than I couldn't wait to drool over Donnie. He was so dreamy. :) He's considerably older now and not really my type, but my friend still had stars in her eyes.

All of the brothers and Marie were there singing their old classics and dancing with the same moves as they did in the 70's. Of course it was cheesy, but I felt myself being involuntarily drawn in as the night wore on. They're natural performers, what can I say? They even got the Mo Tab to bust out of their formal, conservative shell just a bit with some clapping and a little hip shaking....just a little, though. That made the whole evening worth it. I doubt I'll ever see the Mo Tab snapping and swaying or jamming to pop music again!

I've been on YouTube tonight looking up old videos of the Donnie and Marie Show. You should try it. It's kind of addictive. Of course, I wouldn't tell anyone that. Shhh.......

I feel slightly better tonight. Perhaps a two hour massage and an hour of boldering at the rock climbing gym have something to do with it. I certainly didn't start out on a good note. Poor Keva had to listen to me cursing all of the people who were making my life difficult this morning. Why couldn't they be just a little bit accomodating? I decided I better take my lap top and go work in a public place so I'd be less likely to rant and rave and call people idiots.

I'm finding a lot of pleasure in rock climbing this summer. It surprises me because when I tried it in college a few times it scared me to death. This year, however, I'm loving it. I find that when I am climbing, I am 100% completely present. My mind has to be so focused that I can't possibly think about anything else. It gives my mind a rest from all of the drama it enjoys creating.

My friend Rebekah went to Maple Canyon with me recently. We joined up with a few other people and spent the day in the most serene beauty. I've enjoyed climbing so much that I joined a rock climbing gym so that I could take a class and learn some technique. It's more like a private lesson since I'm the only one in the class. My teacher Beth is so nice and encouraging. Of course, she makes everything look so smooth and easy. She's very graceful. Not me, however. I walked out of the gym last week with blistered hands and chalked from head to toe. I was sweating so hard I felt like I'd been swimming. It'll take a while to get good at this, I can tell.

Venting Session

I feel like blogs are all about making one's life seem interesting and exciting. Although I have a relatively good life, sometimes it's just hard, and every once in a while I need to vent and be honest about it. So, I'm going to take the liberty to do so now. If you don't want to join my pity party, stop reading immediately. If you choose to continue I'm fully disclosing that I'm going to take the next few minutes to whine and complain like a pathetic 2 year old just because this is my blog and I can.
In general, I feel lonely, frustrated, angry, hopeless, sad and depressed. I'm on anti-depressants that have worked wonderfully for the past year and a half but are failing me now. Granted, I am under a lot of stress. Financially, I am hurting more than I have in years. My business has died. The economy is in a recession. The housing market is declining. I'm not expecting a pay check anytime soon, and in 10 days bills will be due again. My savings is almost depleted. I'll probably lose my house that I built as an investment which will screw up my credit and leave me in a bunch of debt.
In addition, i am STILL the only one in my family who is without a companion. Even my neice and nephew ( I love them dearly) are in-love and getting married, and I can't even make it past the one month mark with anyone I date. I'm almost 35 without any children. Do you know that you can't even donate an egg after the age of 34 because you are out of your prime child birthing years? I'm so tired of living my life alone. I can't even find it in me to feel hope anymore. My heart just feels numb and heavy. I don't even want to be around couples because it just reminds me of what I don't have. I feel a lot of anger, distrust and resistance towards men which I would love to let go of, but how do you do that when you just keep having one miserable experience after another with them?
I'm frustrated with God for making me go through this and frustrated with myself for not handling it more gracefully. Spiritually, I feel very disconnected and unmotivated. Sometimes I can barely take the loneliness. I'm exhausted from trying to figure out what I can do better and how to get more desireable results. Don't tell me to pray harder or be more obedient and especially don't tell me not to think about it because there's a lot worse things than being lonely. iIrealize this, but it doesn't change the fact that in this very moment my heart feels like it's being wrung out like a sponge and all it wants is a living breathing loving male companion to balance out all of this whacky estrogen. God himself said, "It is not good for man to be alone". I agree. It's not natural, normal or healthy to be single at this age. It's just not. Oh ya, and whatever you do, don't tell me that if I don't get married in this life, I will in the next because that is one of the single most annoying phrases thrown around in the LDS culture. It's second only to, "any worthy man and any worthy woman can get married and make it work". PUKE! VOMIT! BLAH! That phrase is sooooo taken out of context in the first place, and second, it is usually spoken by people who by some stroke of luck got married early on before they had experienced the extreme frustration of dating for years and years without ever having the opportunity to marry. Those are the people who think it's so easy, and I should be able to just go out and get married. AARGH!
OK....I now sound like a very bitter old maid. I think I will go to bed now and tomorrow I will write about all the opportunities I've had by being single, the lessons I'm learning and how I'll be such a better wife and mother because of the experiences I've had...oh ya, and how God is in charge and is always doing what's best for me even when I don't see it, and I just have to trust in him. That will be tomorrow. Tonight I am going to bed a bitter old maid.

Kayaking Skills

I think one of the benefits of dating is that even though you've broken up with someone, he's hopefully left you with some new skill or interest or opportunity. That's how I got into running, and with my last boyfriend, I have found an interest in kayaking. Although he didn't teach me how to do it, his roommate Camine has become a good friend of mine and is teaching Britta and I how to roll. It's hard, but a fun challenge. After three lessons, I can roll on my own about half the time. The other half, I end up using the bottom of the pool as leverage to get me up or Camine has to jump on top of my boat and pull me.
The basic steps are: first, tip over with your hands firmly on your oar.


Second, put your hands in position one which is parallel to your boat with your hands touching the side of the boat and extending high above the water.









Third is to then move your hands into position 2. This is where I get thrown off. See how my right arm is up and over the boat like that and my left arm is reaching up above the water? Well, it's not as easy as it looks because as soon as you begin moving into that position, your paddle starts sinking into the water. If you don't move on to step four immediately, you end up pushing your paddle off the bottom of the pool to try to get up, and that's sooooo not cool.

This is position four. It's more of a snap of the hips that brings you out of the water while your oar gives you just enough leverage to get you up. The head should be the last thing to come up or it will throw you off balance and right back into the water.

So, there's your lesson in kayaking. Piece o' cake, eh?

Home Alone

My roommate Keva is gone for the summer, which leaves just the three of us here at home...me, D'Ogee and Keva's cat Bridgette. It's a little lonely sometimes. They aren't the best conversationalists, but there is definitely a comfort in having their furry little bodies chasing each other around the house.
Animals are interesting creations. They say a lot about God's imagination and even more about his humor. For example, I would like to have been there when God instilled in the canine the desire, no, the uncontrollable urge to pee on everything it possibly can. Little D'Ogee can hardly contain his excitement when he sees me put on my shoes and pick up his leash. I used to think he was excited just to be walking with me, but now I know his enthusiasm to start peeing on every bush, mailbox, and lamp post far outways the thrill of walking with his favorite human being in the world. It's ridiculous, really. He's like a two year old. Instead of grabbing and clutching onto every toy that he wants to claim, he runs around lifting his leg as if to say, "...and that garbage can is mine, and that fence post, and that rose bush, and that tree...mine, all mine!" Even when he's fresh out of urine, he's still lifting his leg and going through the motions.

Silly dog.

Silly God.