My roommate is crazy. We've had a couple other blow outs since the last post, and yesterday's involved her calling the cops on my other roommate who was then falsely charged with a misdemeanor and now has to go to court over it. Fortunately, my sane roommate Leslie and I got right on it and filed a protective order against the crazy one Krystal so she can't come back to the house.
I went to bed with a raging head ache last night from all of the day's drama. Prior to that, though, I attended a nice relaxing yoga class with Britta and found myself crying on the mat; releasing emotion and stress and appreciating the safe, nurturing space of the studio. Afterwards, she and I grabbed a drink and some soup, and she listened and supported me the way a good girlfriend does. She is so fabulous that way. It's so therapeutic for a woman to talk and feel understood and supported. Thank God for girlfriends!
Of course, I am asking myself through all of this....what am I to learn? Why is this drama in my life right now? How is this a mirror of something going on inside of me? I may be too enmeshed in it right now to be able to see clearly, but for the sake of trying to gain clarity, I'll start writing and see what comes out....
What I Am To Learn From My Crazy Psycho Drama Queen Roommate:
Lesson #1. The power of creation! She is about to be police escorted out of our house; will have to go to court; has no place to live and no money; and she is absolutely the creator of it all. It soooo did not have to be this way! How do I create my own reality? How do I let my fears manifest themselves so that I create exactly what I am scared of? What am I scared of right now?
I want to say nothing, but clearly, that's not true.
I'm scared of this new relationship that I'm in, although I have been much calmer about it since I've become more aware of this exact principle and have been trying to focus on staying in the present. It really seems to help. I'm sure there are still some underlying fears. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to be looking at here.
How do you release fear? Stare at it in the face. Accept it.
What's the worst that can happen with this relationship? I'll fall in-love and get my heart broken.
Hmmm...well, that's happened before, and I've managed to recover. And if it doesn't work out with us down the road, would I give up any of these wonderful experiences that I am having with him? No. I feel like there are important things I am learning from him right now; and vice versa. I have things to teach him, too. I know that.
Why do we think we have to hold on to 1 particular relationship forever, in the same form and with the same intensity? People grow and change and if they are both following their hearts, they don't always end up going down the same path. That is so okay. And if I do get my heart broken, I know I can recover, and there will be things to learn from that, too.
And if I never have children or end up with my own family, I will still have lots of love in my life. With each relationship that I have, I'm learning how to connect and love, and of course, I will continue to have better and better relationships down the road. My current love is wonderful, but if we end up going our separate ways eventually, I know my next one will be just as good and maybe even a better match for me. I know that because I can't go backwards. I've had too much bliss to ever settle for anything less again. There are good, quality, loving and enlightened men in the world. I've now dated a couple of them.
So, what is there to be afraid of?
Lesson #2 - Compassion. I feel Krystal's pain, and I get that she is lashing out because she hasn't developed the skills to act like a mature, aware human being. She is hurting right now. Her mom passed away last year; her brain injury challenges her, she has been searching for a job for months now and is still unemployed; and her girlfriend has been trying to break up with her since before she moved in here. She is stressed to the max. I can feel that, and it makes me hurt for her.
I want to help her, but I also know that she is responsible for the majority of the pain she is in. It's not her fault that her mom died or that she got a brain injury, but what she does with that, most definitely shapes her reality. Perhaps she has not learned to take responsibility for her actions; maybe she hasn't been exposed to the Law of Attraction or been aware of how it works. It's not always the easiest concept to get, that's for sure. I wish I could sit down with her and show her what she is doing to her life. I wish she would listen and consider it. However, based on the attempts I have made to talk to her about difficult subjects, I am well aware of how futile that would be!
I hope that these lessons will someday manifest themselves to her in a way that she will be able to see with her spiritual eyes and shift her perspective. I hope she will learn to stop hurting other people and especially to stop hurting herself.
Lesson #3 - This is the practical lesson. Be more cautious of the people you allow in to your house! Spend more time getting to know someone. Don't be so anxious for a rent check that you overlook any red flags or fail to check references. Go through the proper channels. Make them fill out an application and get approved. Make sure they have a solid job. Drill them about their history with animals and don't be afraid to pass someone up if they don't feel like the perfect fit.
OK. I guess I'm learning a few things. Now, it's time to remove this drama from my life. I don't need it anymore, but thanks for the lessons. Adios.
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